Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The Dilemma of Intimacy

Pic sourced from Google Images...

Before I get my teeth stuck into this blog, I want to warn you that you may not agree with some or a lot of what I say. The language I may use could very well offend and your perception of me based on what you read might change. How you feel about all of what comes next is not actually my concern, your views are your own... these are just a bunch of thoughts I’ve had in the last 72hrs that dragged me over to my laptop...

Why is sex so good?

Ever stopped and wondered why you (you in particular) enjoy sex?

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been in serious, no holding back, the Earth melts away and it’s just the two of you, love... and had sex, or as some of you would argue – ‘make’ love?
Well it’s a totally different experience than just picking up a ‘random’ or dating someone you kinda like for a while and sleeping with them.

Last time I checked I wasn’t a woman, but I can imagine that for most women, opening themselves up to someone and letting them in, all the way in, isn’t something they take lightly, or should be taking lightly.
As much as us guys try to roll around town gloating to our ‘boys’ that we macked the shit outta some woman and got her to drop her panties... the reality is, is that a woman allows you in, and it’s a warm, often moist invitation.

Guys, please don’t kid ourselves, no woman slept with us because we made them do it. If that was the case, well – we’re kinda treading that fine line that could get your ass thrown in prison.
Accept the fact that sleeping with a woman is a privilege and let her know with every inch just how grateful you are. This includes the time you spend when you’re not curled up around each other like a ponytail.

And yet, intimacy can be quite a dilemma...

You meet someone new, there’s immediate chemistry, but sometimes we’re unsure about where to go and what to do next.

Imagine a ‘first date’ – if within the first hour you’re both sitting very close, laughing at her joke, tracing the oddly shaped scar on the back of her hand with your index finger from where she fell of her bike, and she’s inviting you; by moving her hair out the way to look at the other one on the back of her neck, then I’m pretty certain a kiss is probably coming your way.

And what about sex?

What about it...

I don’t think it’s something to be toyed with or treated disrespectfully. I’m not a fan of not being in love and having some serious Doogoo Doogoo, but trust me, sex is far better when you’re with someone and in the act of her taking you inside, you both, for the longest time, lose all sense of anything but the feeling you have right then and there. It’s that exact feeling that grows with every touch, every kiss, every thought you have of each other when you’re apart that causes you to smile, and every silence you spend looking at each other when the other person doesn’t notice.  

It’s usually at this point that intimacy is no longer a dilemma...

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Make the call...

Pic sourced from Google Images

Let me cast my mind back (click on the blog before the previous blog) and lo-and-behold it was about friends, so you can’t really blame me for staying on the same theme can you?!

The reason for this is that my friends are kinda frikkin’ awesome and all it takes is a phone call (yes a phone call not a text) to one of them and I’m filled with the unwavering desire to be with them giving out hugs and fist bumps.

As with most things that happen with all of us, there’s a story, and the road to writing this blog evolved from my son calling me from a christening he was attending. He simply wanted to say hi and check up on me which (if you’re a parent) feels ridiculously fabulous that your kid took the time to send you some love!
His call made me think of my parents who I was with only the night before chilling watching that Tom Hanks/Leonardo DiCaprio movie, you know; the one where Tom Hanks is chasing him for like the entire film... Anyway, it was great to be with the folks, laughing, talking, existing – something I need to do more often.
Mum picked up the phone when I called today and I said: “Hey, just thought I’d call to see if you were okay?” to which I could hear the smile and her subsequent mood elevate immediately. We talked, I checked on dad, said my “love you’s”, ended the call.

So now I’m in the zone, I’m heading home from training since 9am; it’s 6pm and I wanna tell someone who I love that, I love them. I try to call my son back twice but he’s more than likely doing the ‘Dougie’ or ‘Shuffling’ to very loud music.

I call Lianne! (Now... to my other friends, it’s not a reflection on depth/volume, but our sons have similar names so she and a few other people usually pop into my head when I’m ‘love-zoning’ plus I haven’t seen her in a hot minute)...

PS: The way she answers the phone is always, EPIC!
PPS: The way I respond to her EPIC greeting is borderline legendary!

So... we get talking and the first thing she highlights is that she was talking about me to someone else, and if you ever get the chance to listen to someone talking about how proud of you they are – DO NOT INTERRUPT – of which I didn’t.
I was unaware of how much stuff I’d done in a short space of time until she ‘framed’ it during our conversation, and as much as it made me feel good, I did actually call to hear about her.

Minutes later I got the 411 (the 411 being Lianne’s business of which I not going to share), and let’s just say I’m proud of my friend who is doing well regardless of various speed bumps and occasional hindrances. I've known this woman since 1997 and nothing is too negative or difficult for her to deal with and it made me realise even more how important it is to cherish everyone around you. It doesn’t really matter if people aren’t passing you positive energy, just be the one sending it their way and don’t expect anything back, it’ll circle round when it’s ready for you.

I digress a little... the 30 minute conversation with Lianne has been deep, uplifting and insightful, I end the call totally missing-my-friend like crazy and I’m sending her dates to keep free after July 18th (big day... very different blog)...

There are other things I want to say, and I started this blog intending to write on the topic above but, sent it in a slightly similar but different direction. 

I wrote this without thinking too much and thus the words came from probably the best place I can think of...

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Holy S!£t... Did You See Her Too?!

It's been a hot frikkin' minute but I'm back and I've had something on my mind for, erm... a hot frikkin minute now (***CORRECTION***) ...somebody! 
I owe the birth of this blog to my homegirl Dex aka 'Slim Baller' aka 'Do You Not Know Who I Am?'... Sometimes I need a little nudge to put my thoughts on the interwebs.

We were sitting in Gourmet Burger several moons ago putting away ounces of BULLY BEEF, when I start yapping about this woman I saw at the gym. Hell, I even wrote a status on Facebook concerning my inability to produce saliva when I saw her. 

What was I doing? I hear you say. Why didn't I talk to her? I hear you ask. 

At the time I was talking to one of the new starters on the volunteer programme and only caught a glimpse of the Olympian as she walked past. Clearly I'd forgotten what the hell I was saying because the woman I was talking to looked at me like I'd suddenly started talking gibberish. 

YES, at that moment in time I'd unlocked my latent ability to speak and say nothing, but noise was still being produced so, in my head everything was still working ticketty-boo. I remember my lips going a little dry too like this woman had walked past and sapped all the moisture out of the air. 

I kid you not, the rest of the male contingent of personal trainers, volunteers and gym instructors on various levels and balconies (it's a big flippin' gym) had seen her also and as guys do, we all shared the collective expression of men who'd seen an exclusive hard-to-obtain sports car drive past and absentmindedly gravitate towards it. 

Where was she going exactly...? >>> directly to the changing room (oh lord, if I was a fly on the wall in there what wonders would I see?). The to be truthful, I'd completely forgotten I was talking this other lady and what I was talking about, I'd nearly forgotten she was standing there too, so when the lights came back on in my head I had to ask her what the f&£k I was saying.

If you're expecting some sort of message, moral to this tale, an insight or piece of learning from the experience, then I'm afraid I've got nothing. I was just a dude, functioning as a dude, standing in front of a girl, gazing at another girl...

Monday, 24 March 2014

My Mofos & Role Models

Image sourced from google

It's been said that people are like the seasons. They come and go, often they return but not always the same or with the intensity or warmth you grew to love. 

This blog isn't about conveying to you the individuals who I'm not in touch with or not speaking to. This blog is about my love and appreciation for the few people in my life outside of my family who have been fantastic role models and friends especially during the harder times between 2009 – late 2013. 

There's no order of importance to the fabulous souls I'm about to mention. Each one of these people is truly fantabalociosly-amazeballs!

My rock and inspiration to strive for my dreams is the one and only Christina C! I've known this woman since I was 17 and she's the most solid/stable individual you will ever meet. She never stops obtaining knowledge, being insightful, or reflecting on herself, others and the things around her. She recently moved out of London so she doesn't drop by on a whim anymore; but my door is eternally open whenever she feels the need to kick off her pumps for a chat!

Kaylan J, yeeeeup my son - I'm not even being biased when I say this young man is growing to be such a superstar. He's realising now how fragile and quick time is in general and tries to ensure each move he makes is positive and righteous. He's young, he will make mistakes and is still learning and yet reflective about so many things showing maturity of character. I love him, would dive in front of bullets and shrapnel for him and... watching his life unfold is a blessing...

My homie, Mo aka Mobbs who I'm sure will tear me a new one for writing about him and posting it via my website through Facebook, as well as teasing me for 'sharing my thoughts' like some ......... (word omitted for safety reasons), he totally deserves a virtual spud! This guy has been there through all of my hardest and joyous moments, births, deaths, injuries, near death experiences, achievements - you name it he's helped me through it all, and like a couple of guys who go way back, we don't highlight the obvious, or talk about how nuts it's all been. Instead the shit is unspoken, he knows and I know what time it is and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I've never met her in person but have a special place in my heart made out especially for Lisa M. We met online via a writing challenge and have been sharing fiction & fact ever since. I love her boldness and honesty in the words she puts on the screen. I love her fearless nature when it comes to reflecting on herself and critiquing her choices good or bad, but ultimately for being the beautiful woman I've come to respect immensely. I've learnt a lot about myself reading her work. And should we ever meet in person, I will hug her like a long lost relative!

Yo Yo Yo! That's usually the greeting I get when I call my girl Lianne Q's phone. We go waaaayyy back to college days in the 90s, when high-tops, side partings and gelled down hair was in fashion. She's been beautiful inside and out from the day we met, and years later nothing has changed! LeeLee has been there supporting me from when I decided to become a PT, she's been a confidant when I needed a shoulder and a kickass motivator when I've been low! She's given birth to a fantastic young man and still finds the time to be as great a friend as she's always been. People like her are hard to find and I don't intend on losing her at all. I will love and treasure her forever. 

One of the strongest women I've ever met is my 'cody' Dextene E. Another soldier I've known since my early teens, lost touch with for over 11yrs and found her being totally awesome with her life, as expected! I've got a galaxy of love and respect for this business woman/super entrepreneur. Not only is she an inspiration, she’s tough as titanium, independent... and a role model just like others who have been mentioned in this blog. I’ve missed her warmth and personality and plan on meeting up very soon to share war stories and catch waaaay too much jokes! We even started a basketball team because that's how ridiculously fabulous we are when we put our heads together! Our friendship took another brief hiatus recently because I felt like I needed to take myself away from everything due to a tough experience, and this girl didn't bat an eyelid, understood I needed time to mend and reassert myself and I love her for that. People like Dex are rare so I'm making sure she isn't going anywhere! 

I call her SoSo, Fia, Sis, WhatsReallyGood! All of those names are what you end up calling someone who's been around since your early teens. Sophia H, my partner in crime and all things cheeky is a solid gold homie! I can't remember not knowing her. She has the biggest heart ever and is always down to help out in any way she can, putting others first and herself last, sometimes to her own detriment, but she wouldn't be Soph if she didn't. You might as well say we've grown up together. My son calls her Aunty, and if I could have a choice of sister, she'd be that mofo at the top of the list. I can't even describe the shenanigans we've gotten into over the years but moments are never dull around Ms Hinds. I'll always love, fight for and laugh my ass off with this girl. She's managed to; against various odds start a successful and lucrative business and that takes determination, strength and depth... attributes she has in abundance.

HA! To the simply perfect Danielle O!... Yeah, left your butt off this blog for a hot minute. That’s what you get for swanning off to live in Scotland leaving me and Mo behind, breaking up the Three Muskateers! Oh, and the time I texted you and you didn't reply, then two months later called Mo whilst I was with him and tried to talk to me, YOU FOOL! 
Jokes aside though, and in all seriousness, Dee is more than worthy of any words I can write about her and even more so because I’m yet to meet a more, lovely, lively, honest and caring individual who at the drop of a hat can switch and get her ‘Sarf’ London on. I miss her voice, I miss her face and most of all, I miss those ridiculous head massages she gives that relax the hell out of me. Wish you were here!
I can't end this blog there though! There are two more people who have snuck in through the backdoor like a couple of ninjas on a mission. Both of these ladies I've only known a fraction of the time of any of the wonderful people above but, you know quality when it stares you in the face. 

Jenny L, my first ever client is probably the hardest working individual you're going to come across. She works, she studies and hits her training sessions like a frikkin' warrior! We've done a community development programme together which gave me the opportunity to see who empathetic and warm a person she is... mix that with her tenacity, charm and sense of humour and my Monday mornings (circa 7am) are always super fantastic! She was there for my first circuit class having travelled across London to be the first actual attendee and that's something I will never forget. She’s definitely a keeper.

And... ninja number 2; the fantabulocious Tawny C! We met on our Level 3 PT course back in June 2013 and d'you know when you meet someone and they are 'cool' no other words needed, just 'cool', well that's TawnyChops for ya. Throughout the months on the course we've supported, pushed, motivated and studied with each other, sometimes via Skype and I owe her my ridiculous grade on my Anatomy & Physiology exam because without her focus to detail I would be a mediocre PT today! She's way too precious not to hold on to, no matter how short out time has been, and with her I've inherited Ellis (yeeeeup), I won't go into masses of detail but, THE DUDE IS AWESOME! 

I'm not suggesting that we all put our thoughts about our friends on wax like this and post for the world to see, no not at all. The difference here is all of these people deserve the accolades and praise. They've all through one way or another (some without realising); helped me work through or make some of the toughest choices I've ever faced. I owe them more than they know...

And in the spirit of staying true to my blogs, here’s a tune (one I've used before) that sums up how I feel!